Religion, What The Fuck?

So it's a serious but not serious article. Of course readers here know I love to uninhibitedly bash the shit out of Religion, not just one Religion, I'm not one of those posers that bashes just Christianity or just Judaism or something half assed like that, oh no.. I'm an equal opportunity basher! I even bash my own Religion!

It seems to be in this world that a lot of people take themselves too damn seriously and especially so in and on the subject of Religion, I mean.. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? If you can't take a joke about your Religion, what good is it? Given that I understand there are those jokes that are just so goddamn tired and over used that they're obnoxious as a rule like the ones I get as a Buddhist from those who do not understand Buddhism and believe that the only Buddha there is and that the 'God' of the Religion is the fat guy they see constantly in relation to Buddhism.. Not so.. Point in fact, the Buddha's are more than one and aren't Gods.. Buddhism has no 'God', you judge yourself through your actions and intentions.. In the end your true nature and karma will be what decides your fate IE - You are the Master of your own destiny.

The Buddha people are used to associating all Buddhism with is the Laughing Buddha, Budai or otherwise known as "Maitreya Buddha", his image is that of a Chinese representation of contentment which is why you find him in Chinese Restaurants and the like and since we're starting with Buddhism to bash (Hurr b's.) I will state that in one way at least my form of Buddhism is truly batshit.. Or at least I think so..

One of the figures most important to my personal Religion, Chan Buddhism and the Shaolin life-style is Bodhidharma, it is said that Bodhidharma disturbed by the poor physical shape of the Shaolin Monks whom had only focused on scholarly pursuits imposed and imparted a physical regiment which is followed today; Shaolin Kung Fu.

Now given that's not 'batshit' I'll say this.. Legend also says that Bodhidharma while traveling to the Shaolin Monestary was originally denied entry or ejected. In response? He resided in a nearby cave, where he faced a wall for nine years, not speaking for the entire time. It is said he fell asleep seven years into his nine years of wall-gazing, grew frustrated at this and in response did the only clearly logical and sensible thing, he cut his fucking eye-lids off to keep it from happening again.

Awesome.

'Course no religious bashing is complete without bringing up Christianity.

Don't get me wrong, hear me out. I don't hate all Christians and I've known some great Christians who were wonderful people and a testament to the morals of their chosen Religion, just the 'vocal majority', you know the type. The douche bags that try to shove this shit down your throat, tell you if you don't accept their Dogma you'll burn in eternal hellfire because that's totally fair. Just because I choose to have free-will and believe something contrary to what someone else thinks I regardless of what type of person I am get to burn in eternal hellfire? and those that act as if they're somehow more important or better than you because you don't share their views.

Oh.. Yeah.. Right there are also those types who truly transcend the boundaries of 'batshit insane', I mean.. They honestly kind of put 1960s Adam West Batmans 'batshit insane' to shame and that's saying something. That motherfucker was out his goddamn goard.. Seriously, Shark Repellant Bat Spray?

But you know it's great.. You can't help but poke fun at those Christians who take themselves and their Religion too seriously, I mean.. They're just begging for it, y'know? A Religion that has everything from Ghosts to risen again Zombie Saviours to Demons, Devils and everything in between and still thinks itself mundane? REALLY? Holy fucking shit your story starts off with a talking goddamn snake, how the hell is that mundane? At the very least someone in the Garden of Eden found the psychotropic shrooms if not worse.. You've also got to kind of love the fact that virtually every 'Christian' Holiday is an adopted Holiday from another Religion often considered to be 'blasphemous' or one that's frequently demonized by many Christians like Paganism.

...I seriously wonder where the fuck the logic for Easter came from.. I understand Christians are celebrating the undead rebirth of 'Jesus of Nazareth' but seriously from where did a bunny that lays multi-coloured eggs filled with candies and sweets come in? And when the fuck did bunnies start laying eggs?! Doesn't this kind of fuck with the natural order of things? Of course we're talking a 'natural order' in which a zombie saviour requests that you 'eat of his body and drink of his blood', wooonderful..

Seriously though I jest and have no genuine problem with honestly good Christians who truly follow the morals and teachings and can take a joke about their Religion so please be cool, no hate mail.

And of course then there's Scientology..

Kid gloves off! Fuck it, I'm a bad Buddhist, I'm not even going to try to be nice and civil and give these guys the benefit of the doubt.. As fucking honker shit crazy as I think Christianity is personally Scientology tops it. At least Christianity has shit that makes some semblance of shit if you look at it right, Scientology? It's a Religion based off a goddamned Sci-Fi authors lunatic ramblings complete with an alien named Xenu, Volcanoes, Nuclear Bombs and shit that just makes my head hurt.

Body Thetans? The fuck?

Seriously with everything ranging from people paying money for higher levels of 'Secret Information' in the Religion to claims of violence against those who did not follow or left the Religion, a 'retribution' of sorts to this;

During the 1970′s, the Church of Scientology conspired to position up to 5,000 agents inside over 100 government agencies in over 30 countries to improve the Church’s image by removing unfavorable files and information. The whole thing resulted in an FBI raid consisting of 156 agents. The raid lasted almost 24 hours and the case sent numerous high-ranking Scientologists, including L. Ron Hubbard’s wife, to jail. This event is still a sore point for Scientology.

 And not to mention this;

The Church of Scientology runs a rehabilitation program for members who don’t measure up. The living quarters are said to be infested with vermin and the “rehabilitation” can take years to complete through menial, degrading labor. While there, members aren’t allowed to visit with spouses or family.

What sort of goddamn drugs are these people on?! Because I want to know so I can stay at least two miles away from them. There's some level when comedic fodder turns downright scary and this is it, when you're genuinely following procedure to brainwash your own followers and justify it? Motherfuck..

But you know what? Through all of this craziness the one thing I'm inspired to do?

I'm going to start my own Religion, the Religion of Sheen Nicholsontologyism!

BEHOLD!

And this is how we shall spend our lives. WHO IS WITH ME?! Huzzah! Huzzah! HUZHUURRHHHKCKK!

Dinner:

And James' dinner was Akai Shima Itame (Red Island Stir-fry) and is a Stir-fry of Potatoes, Candied Beets, Coconut Slivers, Mango, Pineapple and Sweet Peas all Stir-fried in a wonderful home-made Melon Red Sauce coming with a side Mint Patty Chocolate Anpan (Sweet Roll)

Most of the time James hates Pineapple and fruit in dinner but he actually liked this dish so I'm really happy about it. Rock on.